Survivor

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small,
uninhabited island.   He prayed feverishly for God to rescue
him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none
seemed forthcoming.
 
Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of
driftwood to protect himself from the elements and to store his
few possessions.
 
One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to
find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky.
The worst had happened; everything was lost.

He was stunned with grief and anger.

"God, how could you do this to me?"  He cried.
 
Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a
ship that was approaching the island.  It had come to rescue
him.

"How did you know I was here?"
asked the weary man of his rescuers.

"We saw your smoke signal," they replied.
 
It is easy to get discouraged when things are going bad.
But we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our
lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering.

Remember, next time your little hut is burning to the ground it
just may be a smoke signal that summons the grace of God.

A Grave Tragedy

A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed
mother and started back toward his car when his attention was
diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to
be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, "Why did
you have to die? Why did you have to die? Why did you have to
die?
Why did you have to die?"

The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't wish to
interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of
pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn
so deeply? A child? A parent?"

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied...
"My wife's first husband."

The Egg!!!

"The Easter story is nothing but a myth," Jimmy's high
school science teacher announced to his class a few days
before Easter break. "Jesus not only didn't rise from the
grave," he continued, "but there's no God in heaven who
would allow his son to be crucified in the first place."

"Sir, I believe in God," Jimmy protested.
"And I believe in the resurrection!"

"Jimmy, you can believe what you wish to, of course,"
the teacher replied. "However, the real world excludes the
possibility of miraculous events such as the resurrection.
The resurrection is a scientific impossibility. No one who
believes in miracles can also respect science."

"God isn't limited by science," Jimmy responded.
"He created science!"

Engaged by Jimmy's outspoken faith, the teacher proposed a
scientific experiment. Reaching into his refrigerator, he
produced a raw egg and held it up.
"I'm going to drop this egg on the floor," he stated.

"Gravity will pull it toward the floor with such force that the
egg will most certainly break."  Fixing Jimmy with a look of
challenge, he concluded his proposal. "Now Jimmy, I want you to
pray a prayer right now and ask your God to keep this egg from
breaking when it hits the floor. If he can do that, then you'll
have proven your point, and I'll have to admit that there's a
God."

After pondering the challenge for a moment, Jimmy slowly stood
to pray. "Dear Heavenly Father," he began. "I pray that when my
teacher drops the egg...it will break into a hundred pieces!
And also, Lord, I pray that when the egg does break, my teacher
will have a heart attack and die!
Amen."

After a unison gasp, the stunned class sat in silent
expectation. For a moment the teacher did nothing. At last
he looked at Jimmy and then at the egg. Without a word he
carefully put the egg back in the refrigerator.
"Class dismissed," the teacher said and sat down to clear his
desk.

The teacher apparently believed in God more than he thought he
did. Many people, like that teacher, deny that God exists, yet
they run from him, question him, and attack him whenever they
get the chance. Jimmy knew God wouldn't strike his teacher
dead, but he also knew that his teacher wouldn't bet his life on
it.

As the old saying goes, "There are no atheists in foxholes."
When your life is on the line, the idea of God suddenly makes a
lot more sense.

Flagpole

A group of managers are given an assignment to measure the
height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with
ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders
and dropping the tape measures. The whole thing is just a mess.

An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do,
walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat,
measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of
the managers and walks away.

After the engineer has gone, one manager turns to another and
laughs: "Isn't that just like an engineer? We're looking for
the height and he gives us the length!"

Flagpole

A group of managers are given an assignment to measure the
height of a flagpole. So they go out to the flagpole with
ladders and tape measures, and they're falling off the ladders
and dropping the tape measures. The whole thing is just a mess.

An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do,
walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat,
measures it from end to end, gives the measurement to one of
the managers and walks away.

Kissing a Nun

A taxi cab driver got a call to pick up someone from the
airport. When he got there, he was surprised to see a nun
waiting for the taxi. As she climbed into the car and gave the
driver the address, the driver noticed how beautiful she was.
As he drove on, he kept looking into his rear-view mirror at
her. The nun couldn't help but notice him looking at her.
Finally, the cab driver said, "You know, Sister, I think you're
really quite beautiful."

"Well, thank you," she answered.

The driver went on, "I've always had a fantasy of kissing a
nun."

"Really?" she asked. "Well, then, pull over." The driver did
so. Then the nun asked him a few questions. "Are you married?"
she asked.

"No," said the driver.

"Are you Catholic?"

"Yes," the man nodded.

"Well, all right then," she said and stepped out of the car and
gave him a big kiss on the lips.

The driver felt so ashamed that he decided to tell her the
truth. "Sister, I have to tell you the truth: I AM married and
I'm NOT Catholic."

"That's okay," smiled the nun. "My name's Henry and I'm going
to a Halloween party!"

Morals of the story:
1. Don't kiss other women if you are married.
2. Don't lie.
3. Don't look and stare if you shouldn't touch.
4. Keep your fantasies to yourself.
5. With many people, what is behind them catches up with them because they can't stop thinking about the past.
6. If you kiss a frog, it's still a frog.
7. Sharpen your discernment

It's How You Ask

Corporal Conroy needed to use a pay phone, but needed change
for a dollar. He saw Private Duncan mopping the base's corridor
floors and asked him: "Soldier, do you have change for a
dollar?"

Private Duncan replied: "Sure."

The Corporal turned red, and said: "That's no way to address a
superior office! Now let's try it again. "Private, do you have
change for a dollar?'"

Private Duncan turned to him and replied: "No, SIR!"

The Battle

There's a battle going on inside all of us.
Some people win.
Some people lose.
Then there are people,
Where it's just a constant up and down situation.

The light.
An inner peace.
A constant flow of content.
This is what takes over when people win.
Not many people do.

The darkness.
A sadness.
A total feeling of loss.
This is what takes over when people lose.
Lots of people do.

The constant war.
The mix of ups and downs,
Of contempt and anguish,
Of peace and calm.
This is when people die trying.
The majority of people do.

They'll live a constant battle.
Where the stars of hope,
Shine brightly as many times,
As they fade into darkness.

The people who lose,
Don't realize,
That the darkness is just clouds,
Covering the stars.
They give up waiting,
For the stars to come out again,
So the stars never do.

The fighters keep wishing,
For the stars to come out,
So the stars will.
But they always have feelings of doubt,
And the clouds like the doubt.
That makes it harder for the stars,
But they manage.

And the people who win?
They don't mind a bit of cloudy weather.

IF A DOG WERE YOUR TEACHER

You would learn stuff like this:

When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to
be pure ecstasy.

When it's in your best interest - practice obedience.

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps and stretch before rising. Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting, when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lay under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wiggle your entire body.

No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt
thing and pout - run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm.

Stop when you have had enough.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and
nuzzle them gently.

Hero

A man is a hero not because he is braver than anyone else.....but because he is braver for 10 minutes longer.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Two Traits

The total secret for success lies in two traits-
Persistence & Resistance.

Persist in what must be done and resist from what ought not to be done.

RISKS

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams, before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing and is nothing.

They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love or live. Chained by their attitudes, they are slaves, they have forfeited their freedom.

Only a person who risks is FREE!

Intelligence

While visiting India, George Bush is invited
to tea with Abdul Kalam.

He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is.
He says that, it is to surround himself with intelligent people.

Bush asks how he knows if they`re intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says Kalam.

 

"Allow me to demonstrate."

Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says,
"Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question:
Your mother has a child, and your father has a child,
and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Manmohan  immediately
responds,
"It`s me, Sir !"

"Correct.. Thank you and good-bye" says Kalam. He hangs up and

says," Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President. Thanks a lot.
I`ll definitely be using that!"

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides
he`d better put Condoleezza Rice to the test.
Bush summons her to the White House and says,
"Condoleezza, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What`s on your mind?"

Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a
child, and your father has a child, and this child is not
your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about
it and get back to you?" Bush agrees, and Rice leaves.

Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators,
and they puzzle over the question for several hours,
but nobody can come up with an answer.

Finally, in desperation, Rice calls
Colin Powell and explains the problem.
"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father
has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister.
Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It`s me, of course."

Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House,
finds George Bush, and exclaims,
"I know the answer, sir! I know
who it is!
It`s our Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in
disgust, "Wrong,
.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

It's Manmohan Singh!"

I Will Not Quit

Succeed in believing that you will not fail.
Use diligence and determination to set your sail.

When the weather is stormy and the waters are rough,
In the moment of peril the strong get tough.

Whenever life presses you down a bit.
Stand up and shout, "I will not quit!"

Alphabets

* Although things are not perfect

* Because of trial or pain,

* Continue in thanksgiving

* Do not begin to blame.

* Even when the times are hard

* Fierce winds are bound to blow.

* God is forever able,

* Hold on to what you know!

* Imagine life without His love,

* Joy would cease to be.

* Keep thanking Him for all the things

* Love imparts to Thee.

* Move out of "Camp Complaining!"

* No weapon that is known

* On earth can yield the power

* Praise can do alone.

* Quit looking at the future;

* Redeem the time at hand;

* Start every day with worship--

* To "thank" is a command.

* Until we see Him coming,

* Victorious in the sky

* We`ll run the race with gratitude

* Xalting God most high.

* Yes, there`ll be good times and yes some will be bad, but...

* Zion waits in glory...where none are ever sad!

.....and That's Final!

We just completed another project. The graphic and layout artist
submitted the file. The file was named project_name-FINAL.ext.

I had to remind the artist, "NEVER name a file on a project FINAL!"

I told them, "Use this format, project_name_year-month-date-a.ext."
Most of you can understand project name, the year, month, date and
the ext (file extension) but you may be wondering "What is the "a"
behind the date?"

Not only is FINAL often not FINAL simply because there is usually
some kind of change somewhere on another day but there often
multiple changes per day, thus the a, b, c, d versions per day.

I thought how life is often like our projects. What we may think is
final is far from final. There are changes, often major changes.

We think that we've found the perfect job, we are so happy, this is
it for the rest of our lives, it's FINAL.

Guess what, there are changes.

We think that we've found the perfect house, we are so happy, this
is it for the rest of our lives, it's FINAL.

Guess what, there are changes.

We think that we've found the perfect spouse, we are so happy, this
is it for the rest of our lives, it' FINAL.

Guess what, there are changes.

We even think that we've found the perfect church, we are so happy,
this is it for the rest of our lives, it's FINAL.

Guess what, there are changes.

Ideally we should make the right choices. Ideally the file ought to
be right on the version marked FINAL but oh so often,

Guess what, there are changes.

~A MountainWings Original, subject to revision~

21 things to remember

1. No one can ruin your day without YOUR permission.
2. Most people will be about as happy, as they decide to be.
3. Others can stop you temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.
4. Whatever you are willing to put up with, is exactly what you will have.
5. Success stops when you do.

6. When your ship comes in…. make sure you are willing to unload it.
7. You will never have it all together.
8. Life is a journey…not a destination. Enjoy the trip!
9. The biggest lie on the planet When I get what I want I will be happy.
10. The best way to escape your problem is to solve it.

11. I've learned that ultimately , 'takers' lose and 'givers' win.
12. Life's precious moments don't have value, unless they are shared.
13. If you don't start, it's certain you won't arrive.
14. We often fear the thing we want the most.
15. He or she who laughs……lasts.

16. Yesterday was the deadline for all complaints.
17. Look for opportunities…not guarantees.
18. Life is what's coming….not what was.
19. Success is getting up one more time.
20. Now is the most interesting time of all.
21. When things go wrong….don't go with them.

7even Golden Rules

1st
Don`t let someone become a priority in your life, when you are just an option in their life
Relationships work best when they are balanced.

 

2nd
Never explain yourself to anyone.
Because the person who likes you doesn`t need it, and the person who dislikes you won`t believe it.

 

3rd
When you keep saying you are busy, then you are never free.
When you keep saying you have no time, then you will never have time.
When you keep saying that you will do it tomorrow, then your tomorrow will never come.

 

4th
When we wake up in the morning, we have two simple choices.
Go back to sleep and dream, or wake up and chase those dreams.
Choice is yours.

 

5th
We make them cry who care for us.
We cry for those who never care for us.
And we care for those who will never cry for us.
This is the truth of life, it`s strange but true. Once you realize this, it`s never too late to change.

 

6th
Don`t make promise when you are in joy.
Don`t reply when you are sad. Don`t take decision when you are angry.
Think twice, act twice.

 

7th
Time is like river. You can`t touch the same water twice,
because the flow that has passed will never pass again.
Enjoy every moment of life.

Acts of God- a MUST read

There was a minister whose wife was expecting a baby.
The minister went to the congregation and asked for a raise.

After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that
when the minister`s family expanded, so would his paycheck.

After five or six children, this started to get expensive.
The congregation decided to hold a meeting again to discuss the
minister`s pay situation.

You can imagine there was much yelling and bickering.

Finally, the minister got up and spoke to the crowd,
"Having children is an act of God!"

In the back of the room, a little old man with a full beard
stood up, and in his frail voice said...

"Snow and Rain are also `acts of God,`
but when we get too much, we wear rubbers!"

Bechare Mard

Bechara Mard..

Agar aurat pe hath uthaye to zaalim,
aur pit jaye to buzdil.
Aurat ko kisi ke sath dekh ke ladai kare to jealous,
aur chup rahe to be-gairat.
Ghar se bahar rahe to awara aur ghar me rahe to nakara.
Baccho ko daannte to kathor, na dante to la-parwah,
Aurat ko service se roke to shakki, na roke to aurat ki kamai khane wala.
Akhir ye bechara mard jaye to jaye kaha….


Purush Hit me Jaari

The Facts of Death

These are supposedly true facts of death.
Perhaps what you are so scared of isn't really so scary.

(1) More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed
in plane crashes.

(2) More people are killed each year by coconuts than sharks.
Approximately 150 people are killed each year by coconuts.

(3) You are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by
a poisonous spider.

(4) Fleas have the distinction of killing more people than all
the wars man has ever fought. The "Black Death" plague killed
1/4 of Europe's population in the 14th century, caused by germs
transmitted from rodents to humans by fleas.

(5) The animal responsible for the most human deaths worldwide
is the mosquito.

(6) The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is
attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the
male's head off.

(7) A hundred years ago, the average life expectancy in the
United States was forty-seven.

(8) Today, only one in two billion people will live to be 116 or
older.

(9) Your statistical chance of being murdered is 1 in 20,000.

(10) There are 5 times as many deaths due to the negligence of
doctors as there are deaths due to firearms.

(11) On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens
every year.

(12) Robert Hershey, of Hershey Chocolate fame, died when he
fell into a vat of chocolate and drowned.

(13) Dr. Alice Chase, who wrote "Nutrition for Health" and
numerous books on the science of proper eating, died of
malnutrition.

(14) Adolph Hitler's mother seriously considered having an
abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.

(15) When Mahatma Gandhi died, an autopsy revealed that his
small intestine contained five gold Krugerrands.

(16) When Thomas Edison died in 1941; Henry Ford captured his
last dying breath in a bottle.

(17) In 1845, President Andrew Jackson's pet parrot was removed
from his funeral for swearing.

(18) Robert Todd Lincoln, son of Abraham Lincoln, was present at
the assassinations of three presidents: his father's, President
Garfield's, and President McKinley's. After the last shooting,
he refused ever to attend a state affair again.

(19) When Mark Twain was born on Nov 30, 1835, Halley's comet
was visible over Florida, Missouri. Mark Twain predicted in 1909
that he would die when it returned. He was right. When he died
on April 21, 1910, Halley's comet was once again visible in the
sky.

"I'm not afraid of death. It's just that I don't want to be
there when it happens." - Woody Allen

About Me

“I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay.”

Think Higher

A man saw a poor boy looking at his beautiful and expensive car; he offered the boy a drive.....

After the drive the boy said: " Your car is so marvelous, it might be so expensive?! How much does it cost?"

Man: "I don't know; my brother has gifted it to me!"

Boy: "Wow so nice of him....."

Man: "I know what you are thinking. You also want to have a brother like him!"

Boy: NO; I WANT TO BE A BROTHER LIKE HIM!!!

Moral: Always Think Act higher than the people's expectations.

d True friendship

Friendship is not about “I m sorry “ its about “abbe teri galti hai “

Friendship is not about “I m there for u “ its about “kahan marr gaya saale “

Friendship is not about “I understand “ its about “sab teri wajah se hua manhus“

Friendship is not about “I care for u “ its about “kamino tumhe chhod ke kahan jaunga “

Friendship is not about “I m happy for ur success “its about “chal party de saale“

Friendship is not about “I love that girl“ its about “saalo izzat se dekho tumhari bhabhi hain “

Friendship is not about “R u coming for outing tomorrow “ its about “ nautanki nahi, hum kal bahar ja rahe hai “

Friendship is not about “Get well soon “ its about “ Itna piyega toh yehi hoga“

Friendship is not about “All the best for ur career“ its about “ bahut hua, abhi toh switch mar saale“


"If friendship is your weakest point then you are the strongest person in the world."

Last Wish

Last night Harry and wife were sitting in the living room, talking about life...


In-between, they talked about the idea of living or dying. He said to her: Darling never let me live in a vegetative state, totally dependent on machines and liquids from a bottle. If you see me in that state I want you to disconnect all the contraptions that are keeping me alive, I'd much rather die'. .......

His wife got up from the sofa with this real look of admiration towards him.....and proceeded to disconnect the TV, the Cable, the Dish, the DVD, the Computer, the Cell Phone, the iPod, and the Xbox, and then went to the bar and threw away all his whisky, rum, gin, vodka and the beer in the fridge...

He ALMOST DIED!!

The 2 morals of this story are:
1. Think about what you wish for...
2. The female brain works on a different wavelength from the male.

Did you Know???

1 MOPED is the short term for 'Motorized Pedaling'.


2. POP MUSIC is 'Popular Music' shortened.

3. BUS is the short term for 'Omnibus' that means everybody.

4. FORTNIGHT comes from 'Fourteen Nights' (Two Weeks).

5. DRAWING ROOM was actually a 'withdrawing room' where people withdrew after Dinner. Later the prefix 'with' was dropped..

6. NEWS refers to information from Four directions N, E, W and S..

7. AG-MARK, which some products bear, stems from 'Agricultural Marketing'.

8. JOURNAL is a diary that tells about 'Journey for a day' during each Day's business.

9. QUEUE comes from 'Queen's Quest'. Long back a long row of people as waiting to see the Queen. Someone made the comment Queen's Quest..

10. TIPS come from 'To Insure Prompt Service'. In olden days to get Prompt service from servants in an inn, travelers used to drop coins in a Box on which was written 'To Insure Prompt Service'. This gave rise to the custom of Tips.

11. JEEP is a vehicle with unique Gear system. It was invented during World War II (1939-1945). It was named 'General Purpose Vehicle (GP)'.GP was changed into JEEP later.

12.. Coca-Cola was originally green.

13. The most common name in the world is Mohammed.

14. The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with..

15. The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

16. TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row ! of the keyboard.

17. Women blink nearly twice as much as men!!

18. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.

19. It is impossible to lick your elbow.

20. People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.

21. It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

22. The "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language. If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.

23. Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history.
o Spades - King David
o Clubs - Alexander the Great,
o Hearts - Charlemagne
o Diamonds - Julius Caesar.

24. Horse Statue in a Park &
" If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle.
" If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle
" If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

25. What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common? Ans.. - All invented by women.

26. A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

27. A snail can sleep for three years.

28. All polar bears are left handed.

29. Butterflies taste with their feet.

30. Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.

31. In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

32. On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.

33. Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.

34. Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.

35. The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

36. The electric chair was invented by a dentist.

37. The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

38. Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over million descendants.

39. Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.

40. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

41. Most lipstick contains fish scales.

A Little Dash

Life is like that.


Every now and then, you need to add a little dash to life.
It won`t change your story, but it will make it look a lot better.
You can do it without much money; all it takes is a little time
and effort.

When was the last time you`ve gone to a play?
It`s been that long huh?
Colleges have them, churches have them, there are many groups
that put on plays that are rather inexpensive to attend.

Do you have a pet?
When was the last time you`ve gone to a dog or cat show?
It`s been that long huh?
Most cities have them at least once a year. If you are on the
net, you can find when one is coming to your area. If you like
cats and dogs, you`ll love the show.

When was the last time you`ve gone to a comedy club?
It`s been that long huh?
Again, most cities have them. Find out when a comic will
perform who suits your style and go and laugh until the tears
fall.

When was the last time you just sat in the park and listened
to the birds sing and the soothing sounds of nature?
It`s been that long huh?

There are a hundred other things that if you stop and think,
you will realize that dashes are all around you each day.

Take a break and put a dash of spice in the everyday world.

Remember, on all of our tombstones will be the day we are born
and the day we die. The only thing in-between - is a dash.

Time flies so fast as you age that years seem to dash by.
For little or no money, and a small investment in time and
effort, make the picture of life more pleasant to look at.

Add a dash. . .


~A MountainWings Original~

Pastor's Ass

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so
pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won
again.

The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of
the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the
next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of
the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the
donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE

The bishop was buried the next day.

The moral of the story is...being concerned about public opinion can bring
you much grief and misery..and even shorten your life. So be yourself and
enjoy life..

Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and
live longer!